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III: Ashes

by Jeremy Stewart

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1.
from my window can’t understand the view map & compass lit up by the new moon what I haven’t done this whole time is touch the sea I’ll make a point of it even just my feet let your heart be broken if you can’t make it stop to the run-wild roses I sing what I withhold take off sunglasses to reveal another pair & yet I find I see more clearly in sea air reminds me of what I was thinking at the time words I could write before our lives capsize let your heart be broken if you can’t make it stop to the run-wild roses I sing what I withhold to be at sea within myself and the last one to leave the beach today writing on the sea to find what’s hiding within the folds of a wave looking at the water & I wonder just how far out I could go counting all the losses – and keep going ‘til there won’t be any more let your heart be broken if you can’t make it stop to the run-wild roses I sing what I withhold
2.
some things work out and some things don't after the end, when the fire's died down, we'll be the ones singing songs in the dark because we're not that tired you'd like the night to go on and on you'd like the night to go on where are we now? the streets got lost after the end, when the end came and went, what's left of what's going on? it's all gone but we're still not tired you'd like the night to go on and on you'd like the night to go on go on, go on, go on and on, and on, and on you'd like the night to go on and on you'd like the night to go on, my love you'd like the night to go on
3.
Knives Out for Cake spare a thought for unpaid taxes so sweet to put the thumbtacks back in push cake into a sullen face 'til it collapses you’ll never forget the taste metallic pink and blue paste the days will pass with reams of tape you’ll never forget the taste never forget the taste knives out for cake & few friends don’t miss a trick or cut to lend turn on a show to watch until it doesn’t end you’ll never forget the taste metallic pink and purple paste the days will pass erase the tapes you’ll never forget the taste never forget the taste you’ll never forget the taste metallic pink and blue paste your days blessed with erased tapes you’ll never forget the taste never forget the taste
4.
document song signing my other name I’ll write when I get work flowers in the van lain across the seat folded in my hands washed up on the beach witness to the sea falling from a cloud drowning in itself through morning window screen suspended like a mote upon the balance beam I document my walk this amplifier sounds like it’s rolling down the stairs the wood is splintering & crushing orchid parts I can’t be recognized in the park I hide with tangled shopping carts down in the ravine I’ll climb the ladder out although when I look up what’s waiting at the top is something I can’t see cool water cover me document song singing my one true name in sunlight unredeemed all colours run to one become obscurity it’s immolation five minutes of relief from the song of the dial tone an underwater drone a call I can’t receive the paper ocean folds no one asks ‘cause no one knows don’t know & they don’t care rock ‘n’ roll’s too tired to stand the curtain’s rustling the paint leaks from the can the smell is on the air & finds me unprepared when the hiss of tape arrives the crickets harmonize the wind is to tall grass as sleep is to me the lightning calls from cloud to cloud & calls from cloud to clouds that cannot sing the summer’s deafening cool water cover me
5.
Because I 02:49
you run before you walk you sing before you talk & all along you said you want to be the one to drive I know you understand why you have to hold my hand yet still you go all on your own down by the riverside “because I” can I sing you a song? can my words help make you strong? and though you’re on your way to grown will you let me be your guide? & now it’s music time take the rhythm, make it rhyme I’ll follow where you lead because you are your own guy “because I” now your heart is blasting off just like a rocket into yonder blue you’re fine & free & truly running wild & flying high “because I”
6.
holding out my hands to you you take them in your hands & say come on, let's dance what's your story, what's your story, what's your story, I can't tell you hold the ocean to your ear & hear it there in a seashell the chickadees are calling & you're calling back a small clear song running up the mountain, flying down the mountain, wings so strong we're spinning round & round holding out my hands to you you take them in your hands & say come on, let's dance you're naming every flower, naming every flower names so true the polka dots are dotty, yeah the polka dots are just for you lining up the colours every pretty colour in a row drawing all your pictures, drawing all your pictures won't you show the sun is going down holding out my hands to you you take them in your hands & say come on, let's dance the sun is coming up
7.
Come hell or high water the new thing is coming the tide always returns seas birds gamble smashing their shells on the shore rocks scatter all the pieces that matter I’m finding new ways of living Finding new ways of living without a home Crash this mountain right into the ocean finding new ways of turning this looking glass around Here remains the weight of her body too heavy to carry - they finally let her go Today the sea is a looking glass mirror touch the bottom... tomorrow a rabbit hole Blue into every blue into every blue into every blue Blue into every blue into blue
8.
9.
go up the mountain alone a sad clown’s face turns inside out rain washes makeup away a weeping devil with clouds a child’s cough I hear in the night interrupts my dream gifts from the mountain alone a song I forgot walking home a love that is incomplete under the white and pink blossoms that fall at my feet on an unlovely street the prisoners out in the yard put on a play for their guards the light’s on the faces but now the makeup is made out of rain the weeping devil becomes a child once again and I feel myself slipping I have to sleep now or else I might never again if this is the last time and it just might be let’s make it sweet whatever happens now whatever is happening I promise you
10.
Rose Violet 04:24
I'm searching for the spark how slowly now my eyes adjust to velvet theatre dark I feel my way, but I don't trust I'll swim to shore as soon as I can see the way to the shoreline Rose Violet does anybody notice when a star in the sky blinks out? from the bottom of my lungs you hear me singing underwater how low was that sung the voice it sounded like a daughter I'll swim to shore as soon as I can see the way to the shoreline Rose Violet does anybody notice when a star in the sky blinks out? yes I do

credits

released December 12, 2023

All music & lyrics by Jeremy Stewart, except “Blue Into Every Blue,” music & lyrics by Erin Arding Stewart, & "Rain in the Desert. All performances by Jeremy Stewart except harmony vocals throughout, & piano on "Rose Violet," by Erin Arding Stewart.

This music was recorded at Alderwood II between summer 2020 & fall 2023. "Black Flowers" cover art by Erin Arding Stewart.

Thank you to Ryan Wugalter, Stanley Jason Zappa, Frank Brickle, Alex Nixon, Eric Axen, Raghu Lokanathan, Anne MacDowall, Cliff, Grandpa Chuck, Erin, Ephraim, & Cesárea, & to all my dear friends.

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Jeremy Stewart Vancouver, British Columbia

Jeremy Stewart once dropped a piano off a building.

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